i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just high enough for therapy.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
