is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
