ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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