Swine flu. Run for my life!
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
