I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
