Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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