Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you have to choose: penises or morals?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
