I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
