we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
