when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
