Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
