i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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