To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
