I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
