I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
