I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
