I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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