Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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