Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
