the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
