Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize