She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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