Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
