I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
