Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
