You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
