my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize