i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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