Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
