That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
