Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize