We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
