So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
