Sry I called you an 8
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you traded sex for a burrito?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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