And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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