Do vagina's smell?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
