I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
