Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
