I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
