yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
