its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
