Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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