She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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