I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
