Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If that was your dad, he is hot
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
