hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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