i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
