i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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