I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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