my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
