yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
