You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
