My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
