she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
