dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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