Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize