I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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