It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
