Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
