You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't deserve a penis
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
