Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
