so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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