did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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