i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
