Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
