im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
