if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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