I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize