i would punch a child for taco bell
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
