they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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