Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
