she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
