pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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