Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
