please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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