just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
