seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
