You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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