I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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