well most of my day revolves around power hour
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
